Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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