she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
