Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
