Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
