She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
