I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
