I puked a lego.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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