You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
