he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
