The maid of honor just puked.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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