she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
