Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
two words...techno handjob
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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