actually, I'm a sock model
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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