Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
