Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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