got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This baby is an asshole
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
