I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
