He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
