I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
