I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
