I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My vagina is officially offended.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
