I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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