I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
