Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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