I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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