You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
