Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
