So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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