pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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