everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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