every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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