The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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