Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
