2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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