and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
