I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
