i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
