It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
