Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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