the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
zippers are such a cool invention
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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