i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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