White coat. Heels.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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