Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(021): View more from

Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

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(917): View more from New York City

Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

as in "white"?

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.

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(760): View more from California

The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing

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(925): View more from California

The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.

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