i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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