Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
