Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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