$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry about my life...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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