summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
