hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
