oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love you. Go after that dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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