Duck Duck Cougar?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
