You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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