so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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