His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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