And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
