last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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