I want to have your abortion
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
