So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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