Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize