i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.