on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you