Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
