I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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