Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
