You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
a search helicopter?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
