like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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