The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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