I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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