Will you blow on my dice?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
