i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
