After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
