My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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