Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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