I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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