What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
